When Love Arrives

I knew exactly what Love looked like … in 7th grade.

Even though I hadn’t met Love yet, if Love had wandered into my home room I would have recognized him at first glance – Love wore a hemp necklace.
I would have recognized her at first glance – Love wore a tight French braid.
Love played acoustic guitar, and knew all my favorite Beatles’ songs.
Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me.
And I knew I just must be searching the wrong class room, just must be checking the wrong hallway.
She was there, I was sure of it.
If only I could find him.

But when Love finally showed up – she had a bull cut!
He wore the same clothes everyday for a week.
Love hated the bus.
Love didn’t know anything about the Beatles.

Instead, every time I tried to kiss Love, our teeth got in the way!!!

Love became the reason I lied to my parents. I’m going to Ben’s house.
Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor but made sure we never miss a slow song.
Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up that’d be “Hello”… “Hh..” “Hello?” “Hh…” “I guess I’d hang up.”

And Love grew.
Stretched like a trampoline.

Love changed.
Love disappeared, slowly, like baby teeth.
Loosing parts of me I thought I needed.

Love vanished.
Like an amateur magician everyone could see the trapdoor but me.
Like a flat tire – there were other places I had planned on going.
But my plan didn’t matter.

Love stayed away for years.
And when Love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him.

Love smells different now, had darker eyes.
A broader back, Love came with freckles that I didn’t recognize.
New birth mark – a softer voice.
Now there were new sleeping patterns.
New favorite books.
Love had songs that reminded him of someone else.
Songs Love didn’t like to listen to, so did I.

But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly.
We found jokes that make us laugh.
And now Love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies.
(But Love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack.)

Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer.
Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator.
Love knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned.
Love is messier now.
Love is simple.
Love uses the word boobs in front of my parents!
Love chews too loud.
Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste.
Love uses a smiley face in her text messages.
And turns out… Love shits.

But Love also cries;
And Love will tell you “You are beautiful”, and mean it.
Over and over again.

“You are beautiful.”

When you first wake up, “You are beautiful.”When you’ve just been crying, “You are beautiful.”When you don’t wanna hear it, “You are beautiful.”When you don’t believe it, “You are beautiful.”When nobody else will tell you, “You are beautiful.”Love still thinks, “You are beautiful.”But Love is not perfect and will sometimes forget.
When you need to hear it most, “You are beautiful.”

Do not forget this.
Love is not who you were expecting.
Love is not what you can predict.
Maybe Love is in New York City already asleep.
You are in California, Australia, wide awake.
Maybe Love is always in the wrong time-zone.Maybe Love is not ready for you.
Maybe you are not ready for Love.

Maybe Love just isn’t the marrying type.
Maybe the next time you see Love is 20 years after the divorce.
Love looks older now but just as beautiful as you remember.
Maybe Love is only there for a month.
Maybe Love is there for every firework. Every birthday party. Every hospital visit.
Maybe Love stays. Maybe Love can’t. Maybe Love shouldn’t.

Love arrives exactly when Love is supposed to and Love leaves exactly when Love must.
When Love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”If Love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.
Turn off the music. Listen to the quiet.
Whisper, “Thank you for stopping by.”

PS. This is one of the most beautiful modern poem that i ever read ( and watch). And it will make me feel so guilty if i didn't share it with other. :)

SHE

I found my quote of the year.

“She was chaos and beauty intertwined. A tornado of roses from divine.” 

― Shakieb Orgunwall

Keren kan? Dan seketika gue langsung penasaran, siapakah manusia dibalik kata-kata keren ini. Dan penemuan gw, sangat anti klimaks. Gw pikir dia penulis, atau siapa gitu lah. Gw ga nemuin apa-apa, selain dy bikin kutipan-kutipan keren lainnya. Tapi, karena kutipan nya emang pada oke, yaweslah, tak apa-apa. 

Semoga taon baru ini, gw bisa menjadi seperi kutipan di atas. A beautiful chaos! :)

Tahun lalu itu, uda jelas banget bukan tahun terbaik yang gw lewati. Gw kehilangan banyak hal penting dan berharga. Dan tau kan kutipan yang bilang, kalo kita tuh baru sadar kehilangan sesuatu yang berharga saat hal itu hilang. Itu bener banget, dan yang kesisa cuma penyesalan. Gw berharap gw uda ngelakuin lebih dari yang udah gw lakuin, tapi waktu yang uda lewat ga bisa berubah.

Sambil nyapuin debu-debu di pojokan blog ini, gw sedih ngeliat angka tulisan yang menurun drastis beberapa tahun belakangan. Hahaha. Semakin tua ya, rasanya waktu yang gw punya ga sebanyak dulu, 24 jam itu ga cukup. Dan saat punya waktu luang, gw memilih untuk ngelakuin hal-hal lain, misalnya tidur atau main game. Hal-hal ga produktif semacam itulah. :') Dan penyebab lainnya, mungkin semakin tua, rasanya gw semakin introvert dan tertutup. Jadi males sharing ini-itu, males bercerita tentang hidup gw, males curcol soal kegalauan yang ga penting. Ga kayak zaman dulu banget waktu masih ABG, apa juga ditulis, macem ga ada filter. Hahahaha

Setelah mulai nulis beberapa kalimat disini, it feels good. Rasanya gw kayak diingetin kenapa dulu gw mulai bikin blog ini. Dan gw cukup seneng sih, karena gw ga perlu jaim dan buat pencitran hidup yang cantik dan sempurna disini. No pressure at all. 

"Emang ga mau apa blognya jadi terkenal? Kan nanti bisa dapet duit dari situ! Bisa buat jalan-jalan loh."

Ya mau sih. Tapi rasanya ga disini. Too much pressure, dan gw bakal lebih sedih lagi kalo gw jadi ga jujur dan bikin pencitraan disini. Gw belajar 1 hal di zaman sosial media ini. Personal branding itu super penting! Penyebab Awkarin ga pernah dilirik brand gede padahal follower dia uda pake huruf "m", atau penyebab Amrazing bisa jadi selegram papan atas walaupun mulutnya sering nyebelin, semua tak lain dan tak bukan karena personal branding. Wong beha kolor aja sama-sama beli di Bangkok, tapi dengan personal branding yang bagus, si brand XX bisa jual dengan harga 2-3x lipat dari harga  jual di toped kok. Jadi, intinya kalo gw mau dapet duit dari sini, gw harus bikin personal branding yang bener dulu. Yah, nanti deh, setelah tau apa yang mau gw jual. 

Selamat tahun baru (lewat 15 hari)! 

Semoga tahun ini bisa lebih banyak menulis. Dan lebih sedikit galau. Dan lebih berani dari tahun sebelumnya.